2nd Chapter to My Recovery

April 10, 2007

Well, I’ll be hitting 30 days of being clean and sober from Rx Narcotic prescription pain medication on Friday the 13th and will Celebrate it at CR. I’m am very grateful for this. It has meant so much to me to be free from that bondage…..

But I do ask God a few questions. I know Pastor Glen has a series coming up regarding asking questions and doubts.

Here are mine:

The migraines are back. The headaches are back. This is the reason why I was put on the pain meds to begin with. But I refuse to go back. I did not detox and go through all that and are still going through recovery for nothing. I did it to cleans and purify myself for my Lord and Savior. But why are the migraines back? Why am I still inflicted with these awful headaches? Is God trying to tell me something? Is God trying to show me something? Is God testing me? I have not once, not even once cursed him. I have not once even thought of using the pain meds again. I even saw my Dr and told him I refuse to go back. I refuse for my detox and purifying my body, be for nothing. I did it for my Lord. Though he is not a follower of Jesus, he understands my faith. So does my psychiatric Doctor. They understand my Faith and know that I am a woman of God.

Is God testing me? Is he wondering if I’ll choose to go back. But God knows the future. I refuse it. I will NOT go back to using! But I believe or am I wrong that Satan, the enemy can not do anything without permission from God? As he did with Job? Can Satan be trying to attack me, in hopes that I’ll go back. But God knowing I won’t. I won’t go back, I won’t curse my Lord or God. I may ask why? I may feel discouraged and even depressed because of them, but I wonder, will this be my “thorn in my side” as John has described in his gospels?

Is it wrong for me to question God? To wonder why he hasn’t healed me, even though I have asked this in Jesus Christ name? Is my faith wavering? No, it’s not…. That’s the lies of the devil. I rebuke him in my Lords name. My faith is not wavering. My faith is strong. I maybe in pain for now, but in my Lord’s time, He WILL heal ME. In His time HE WILL HEAL ME AND RESTORE ME! This is the truth I hold on too and no demon of pain or of the flesh will take that away from me. I do not claim these headaches. They are demons of Satan sent to attack me…. Why? Why would God allow it? Is He testing me and my faith? I rebuke you Satan and your little, worthless demons. Lord, send them where you command them to go and where they can not bother me any longer. I ask this in your name Jesus Christ. For you say in your word that if I ask anything in your name it will be given to me. I ask for healing, restoration of my body and all it functions. I ask that all the vessels in my brain function normally as if the migraines never we’re. I ask this in your healing hands and name, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I will continue to hold on to you and your truths and your word in my heart. I turn my life, my will, my recovery and my body to you God and may you work your miracles within me. I ask this in you and your Son’s Holy Names. Amen

Anamarie Merino
A Faithful and Grateful Follower and Believer in Jesus Christ